Not a Confused Teenager anymore but still Confused!

This is a guest post by Ashish Gourav


Everything in this world is new as well as old. Sounds ambiguous? New and old are relative concepts and are quite fuzzy in nature. Though you may slam my first line saying that even the laptop on which I’m typing is either a brand new purchase or an old valued possession. Exactly! That is my point. When you buy any physical good it remains new to your perception for weeks or maybe months, especially if you are a gadget-freak and the thing talked about happens to be laptop, any hand-held device, and etc…confused? Read On!

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However, explaining that all transcendental thoughts are new and old at the same time is quite easy. Better don’t get me started this time and figure out yourself.
Our life can be chronologically arranged in the order:

1.Infant stage…an oblivious sojourn.
2.Childhood…legal hooligan!
3.Childhood again…pregnant with confusion.
4.Onset of Teenage err puberty… priceless :P
5.Self-proclaimed matured Teenager…confused confused confused :(
6.Teenage over…early 20s…Confusion at peak.
7.Adulthood…No Idea!

With teenage comes great responsibility, not in the usual form but a responsibility to nurture the confusion and inquisitiveness about the world, people, every physical phenomena, emotions, relationships and etc… escalated by hormonal rage. The quantitative and qualitative level of confusion decides our achievements and failures in life. Confusion is a good emotion. The more you are confused, more doubts would be cleared.

Confusion drives us crazy in our teens. We choose our career, hobbies and other interests governed by our confusion. The reason most of the teenage romantic relationships break and (/or) are termed as “first-immature-crush and not love” is confusion and to an extent a combined effect of “testosterone, estrogen and progesterone”.

[Image Courtesy]

As we grow old and come out of our teenage phase, and enter into early 20s we experience new changes and confusions still remain unresolved. We lose our zeal to be inquisitive and the passion fades in a subtle manner to maturity. If we refuse to mature and if the confusion persists it fuels the burning fire to "follow our dreams". Most of the successful people are results of this confusion. The world betrays them while they appear confused. It never bothers them; to them their dream is more important. The passion with which they follow their dreams and try to seek an answer for their confusion is the only driving force in their case. When they become successful and powerful, people are awed by the sheer brilliance of their ideas, dedication, perseverance, talent and endless list of adjectives. We think now they have come out of their confused state but we are wrong, they are still confused!

For mango-persons (aam-aadmi) like you and me, confusion is not a virtue but we should think again. The baby we give birth to as confusion in our teenage should be nurtured and made a responsible, disciplined and honest means to expression of our thoughts.

Perx describes a typical teenager as bored, frustrated, confused and angry. Agreed!

The anger, frustration and confusion should be channelised for pursuing our dreams.

“Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious...”
- Michael Stipe

PS: ARJuna turns 20 today!
PS: Happy Birthday ARJuna
PS: Thanks for inviting me to write a post in your blog.
PS: Readers can visit my blog from here.

If I Were A Baby Again

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 4; the fourth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

It happened to be the other day,

that I was passing by memory lane,

just then, across my mind, flashed a thought; a stray,

What if I were a baby again.

A voice from somewhere within nudged me to walk through the lane. It wouldn't be that easy I said to myself; sweet memories will rekindle the lamps of joy and old wounds will be reopened. I could lose myself in the labyrinthine passages and by-lanes.

"Are you afraid to face your past?", the voice asked.

"No!", I said

"Then make up your mind!"

“I’ll do it.”, I answered after a moments reflection.

“After you, sir” said the gentleman inside me.

As I made my way through the little galli, I heard more voices, this time from the outside, as I trudged further houses began to appear on either side. The voices weren’t just voices any longer, they belonged to the human forms that I spotted from afar, whose hazy outlines became increasingly solid as I approached.

As I approached the crowd of milling ‘human forms’ I was taken aback, these weren’t just any humans, these were people whom I had known or still knew since my childhood. Many of them were the ones with whom I had lost contact along the way. I suddenly felt guilty. I couldn’t make eye contact, not that it mattered - to them, I was invisible. They just walked past me or saw right through me, I dunno why but this made me feel even more guilty.

Trying hard to ignore the ignorance of the ones I had forgotten until now, I trudged ahead. I turned my attention to the houses. I had passed dozens of them but it was only now that I really noticed the strong waves of emotions emanating from every door, window and even every crack. I went near one, there were sounds of squealing laughter and commotion, I looked through the window to receive another shock, it was my childhood home and there I was celebrating my 5th birthday with loads of friends.As I stood there I smiled, laughed and jumped with joy as my 5 year old self cut the cake.

From there I ran to every window, each window showed me, in reverse order, the most important moments of my childhood life. Some happy, some sad, some that made me learn the most important lessons in life.

Finally I came to the very last window of the very last house on Memory Lane. I peeked in to see a tiny form wrapped in cloth sleeping beside it’s mother in what seemed to be a recuperating room of a maternity hospital. I could see the joy twinkle in the mother’s eyes…in my mother’s eyes. As I looked away from that window I realized I was crying as well.

Wiping away my tears, I stared at the dead end, there was a small fountain near the high wall marking the end of the lane.

The voice inside me asked “So now you have a choice, you can choose to be a baby again and relive or even change your moments of childhood or just walk back along the path you came and go on living the rest of your life, what will it be?”.

I thought for just a moment and firmly replied “No.”

Why, you would ask? Well if my childhood had not been the way it had turned out to be I would not be the person I am. Today, I may not be perfect but I am happy with the life that I am living and the people with whom I am associated. I would not want to change it for anything in the world.

That does not mean I did not learn anything from my trip down memory lane. I now, would certainly try to get in touch with the people whom I had lost contact with. I would apologize to those whom I had disheartened or let down in the past and thank those who helped or shared joy and happiness with me along the way.

At last, my steps I decided to retrace,

After witnessing the years gone by.

The past I had refused to embrace,

for childhood's rightful place was in my mind's eye.

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